If I just lay here. Would you lie with me and just forget the world.
Why do so many people search for me? Consistently for the last 2 years, the number one search to bring people here is people searching for my blog by name and the blog title… Do I have a computer illiterate fan who uses a google search to find me all the time? It’s fascinating.
I’ve been tired lately. And sad.
I know I’m lonely, I have friends I talk to, but not as much as I would like, and since moving out of AC’s place I’m alone most nights. Which I don’t like.
I’ve looked to meet new people, but it’s not something I have a lot of time for. At work I have no chance, I’m busy all day, most days I work after I get home as well. And I can’t befriend any of the people I work with more than I have. I’m surrounded by people who I need to judge and watch. So that makes a friendship difficult, I already dated one of them (before I got the job), so I don’t need that kind of issue coming up again.
Outside of work, I met a friend of a friend online, we chatted and had a good time. She came around to watch a movie and have dinner, that was fun too, and then the next day someone at work tells me I seriously need to ask her on another date. That was about the time I realised there had been a first date. So that one’s dashed. I don’t want to date a friend of a friend, and I’m personally not interested in pursuing her. We got along fine, but there are too many things that I don’t want in a partner.
Ahh, the things I don’t want. This is where I am right now. All evidence throughout my life suggests I am not particularly good at picking who I do want. The lady in red? The Blogger? The imaginary woman?
They were all extraordinarily poor choices. But women I fell for, for…well I thought different reasons. But there seem to be common traits.
Hair is out. I used to only date women with longer hair, it is very feminine. But I’ve pursued and dated some with much shorter hair, so I I think that was an artificial choice on my part. Thinking I desired something I didn’t really care about. And those 3 were all different in regards to hair. They were all…….. a little more busty than average though. But that hasn’t been a consistent trait either. Granted there have been a lot more busty women than not, but it’s not a specific choice I made at any point. Mcbeal didnt fall into that category and she was incredibly attractive. She also had a remarkable amount of class, always well presented and stunning. The downside to that was the extreme amount of time needed to go out. I’m all for going out to dinner and a movie with a beautiful date. But sometimes I want to just drop what’s going on and go now.
So it leads me to, things I don’t want.
Complaining. Not little things, who cares. It’s constant complaining I cant stand. The inability to see the positive side. Focusing on negative things. It downs my Zen. I hate it. So many women I’ve been involved with did it, how did I miss this for so long with some of them. The Imaginary woman works not 15 feet from my desk and is miserable all day. Everything is a problem. Who wants to live like that? Not me!
Closedmindedness. That’s a hell of a word 
I can’t stand people who aren’t willing to discuss their point of view. I have opinions on a lot of things. I’m a thinking kind of guy, but I want to discuss them. With the exception of faith, I know why I have the opinions I do. I’m not sitting here waiting for you to tell me what to think, but I am willing to discuss, dispute, point out flaws in your reasoning and hear the flaws in mine. But You have to be willing to discuss it, and talk to people about their point of view. The lady in red wasn’t interested in anyone’s opinions, then again neither was the blogger. She was incredibly close minded. The imaginary women is on a completely different scale. We had a falling out because of an event that did not take place, and when clarifying that with the reasons it didnt happen. She responded with her original point.
No life. People without a life of their own. No career, no hobbies, no friends, no interests. It infuriates me. I have things I do. I have collectibles, I watch movies, I make things out of wood, I’m a photographer, I like to go for walks, I cook, I like to paint. I’ve dated people who had none. You don’t need all of them. If you’re looking after kids fulltime you don’t need a career (you have one). But JC had a million things she was interested in. Some of these women have had nothing.
Or worse (maybe worse?) interests they apparently cant explain or are unwilling to discuss. You want to travel overseas? Great tell me where, tell me why! I want to visit places too. You want to go overseas, but can’t say why, and can’t explain any interest in anywhere? Guess you’re just running away. Don’t come back.
No compliments. Tell me why you like me. Tell your friends you love them. Thank someone at a restaurant for a good meal. I want to hear nice things. I will tell you, why wouldnt you tell me? You can tell me I need a haircut or that Im looking a little soft on the edges, but not when I tone up some more or suit up? GTFO.
So I’ll see if I run into anyone who fits the bill. A long list of checkboxes, and if you cross one, it’s over from there. I’m too old to go through all of it again. I’m sick of heartbreak, I’m sick of giving myself to someone and it doesn’t work out. I’ve met some amazing people, I’ve had some amazing times. I’m just not sure how much the heartbreak is worth compared to them. Maybe I’m in the wrong place to consider it all right now, two bouts of heartbreak so far this year. Maybe that’s enough for awhile…
