As we get older we gain better perspectives, we understand things better.
We can also see when other people will. We can see the things people do and know they will stop. When I was younger I could see the people who were out drinking so much would eventually stop. I knew my sister and her friends would eventually calm down and stop drinking themselves into a stupor everytime they went near alcohol. I knew it.
I unfortunately knew other things.
Yesterday at work there was a conversation about one of the girls on a date. She had been out with a guy for the first time. And the complained he was too nice, and she liked bad boys.
Now this was a personal moment. I was the nice guy. I was the sweet, attentive and overly affectionate guy because it’s how I wanted to treat them. And in this shining moment, at my desk, hand poised over Ctrl+V to include the call stats for one of my teams it dawned on me.
It isn’t what she wanted at all. And it didn’t matter.
There were a myriad of reasons the nice guy didn’t fit in. But we’ll come back to that.
The key moment was realising that reasons didn’t matter. There’s no harm in her dating guys who aren’t sweet and perfect. She’s not going to marry them. She’s 24 and just having some fun. She’ll eventually find someone who is compatible long term and move on from there.
When I was younger (and obviously single) I had conversations with friends, female friends, partners and associates. Why would girls date these bad boys.
Because they were having fun. Because these boys don’t throw on emotional baggage or dominate anyones life. Because being “the nice guy” at a young age pushes people into a commitment and a deeper relationship they’re life may not need.
It was really good to think that “She’ll have better perspective when she’s older” and then for another part of my brain to say “Yes, she will. So what’s the problem”.
Perspective is from our point of view. So as we move it changes.
And I never considered that my perspective was excessively selfish. But about girls dating people, it really was.
